Mastering Boundaries: Behavioural and Emotional Signs that Boundaries are Missing from Relationships

Life has a way of telling us that we need to set boundaries in relationships with family, friends, or coworkers. In order to put appropriate boundaries in place, we need to understand the signs telling us we are being impacted by a lack of clear boundaries. Here are some signs to look out for (notice if any of these have been showing up for you):

1. Feeling Overwhelmed or Exhausted: If you feel overwhelmed or exhausted by the demands of others, it may indicate that you need to set some boundaries. It is essential to take care of yourself and not let others drain your energy (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016). One way of doing this is asking yourself 'How will this benefit me? What will it cost me?'. If you determine the cost is too much, then it is simply not worth crossing that boundary.

2. Resentment: When you start to feel resentful towards someone, it may indicate that they are overstepping your boundaries. Resentment can lead to negative emotions and impact your mental health and overall well-being (Lancer, 2018). It is important to remember that you hold responsibility here, as well. Consider, what is getting in the way of setting clear boundaries (and sticking to them!) with this individual?

3. Feeling Guilty: Feeling guilty for saying no or standing up for yourself may indicate that you need to set boundaries. It is essential to recognize that it is okay to prioritize your needs and set boundaries to protect your mental health (Cloud & Townsend, 2017). This will likely resonate with you if you are a people pleaser, and this is challenging. Is it time to reconsider, or re-negotiate, some of your relationships?

4. Overcommitting: If you say yes to everything, even when you don't want to, it may indicate that you need to set boundaries. Overcommitting can lead to stress and burnout (Miller, 2020). "No" is a complete sentence. You do not need to explain in an effort to help others also decide it's okay for you to say no. You've done the work, considered the benefits and costs and determined the cost was too high. That is enough. The only person you report to, every single day, is yourself.

5. Feeling Like You Have No Control: If you feel like you have no control over your time, energy, or decisions, it may indicate that you need to set boundaries. Setting boundaries can help you regain control over your life and establish healthy relationships (Stosny, 2018). When we create boundaries, we dig our heels in and say, 'This is as far as I go!'. If you determine your boundaries, and stick to them, you are in full control. Look at you go!

Recognizing the signs that boundaries are needed in your relationships is the first step in establishing healthy relationships. Remember that setting boundaries is not selfish; it's a crucial part of taking care of yourself and your mental health. By setting boundaries, you can develop healthy relationships built on respect, trust, and understanding.

References:

11 Signs of Low Self-Esteem - Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-low-self-esteem-5185978

Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (2017). Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life. Zondervan.

Lancer, D. A. (2018). How to set healthy boundaries: 10 examples + PDF worksheets. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries-10-examples-pdf-worksheets

Miller, C. (2020). 5 signs you need to set boundaries in your life. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/minding-the-body/202007/5-signs-you-need-set-boundaries-in-your-life

Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. Guilford Publications.

Stosny, S. (2018). How to set boundaries: 10 tips to do it assertively. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201803/how-set-boundaries-10-tips-do-it-assertively

What Is Self Care? Explore Techniques And Methods For ... - BetterHelp. https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/mindfulness/what-is-self-care-techniques-and-methods-for-mental-emotional-and-physical-well-being/

Breaking the Silence: Suicide Prevention

Suicide is a complex and sensitive topic that can be challenging to discuss. Sometimes, it may even feel taboo to talk about losing a loved one to death by suicide or about your feelings about suicide. This needs to change. We need to start asking for the help that is desperately needed.

I have lost loved ones and peers to death by suicide and experienced the stigma around this type of loss. I did learn that talking can save lives, and my work is centred around this belief.

Reaching out when feeling suicidal can be a lifesaving step, and many resources are available in British Columbia to support those in need. It can feel like there is no help, but asking for help is brave and crucial.

You are not alone: Many people experience suicidal thoughts at some point, and it is a common mental health concern. Reaching out can help you understand that you are not alone and that there are people who can support you. You can reach out to a trusted person in your life, a therapist, or a crisis line.

Help is available: Reaching out can connect you with mental health professionals who can help you navigate your feelings and develop a plan to manage your mental health. Professionals have the skills and expertise to provide guidance and support to help you work through what you are experiencing.

Suicide is preventable: Suicide is preventable, and seeking help is a crucial step in preventing it. Strategies and resources are available to help individuals manage suicidal thoughts and feelings.

It can improve your mental health: Reaching out for help can help you better understand your mental health and identify triggers that may be contributing to your suicidal thoughts. This understanding can be instrumental in helping you develop coping strategies and treatment plans that can improve your mental health.

It can save your life: Most importantly, reaching out when feeling suicidal can save your life. Suicide is a leading cause of death globally, and taking action to prevent it is crucial.

In British Columbia, many resources are available to support individuals struggling with suicidal thoughts. Here are some of the resources available:

1. Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention Centre: The centre provides 24/7 support and crisis intervention services to individuals in distress. Contact them at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or online at https://crisiscentre.bc.ca/.

2. BC Mental Health Support Line: The support line provides confidential and non-judgmental support to individuals in need. Contact them at 310-6789 (no area code required) or online at https://www.healthlinkbc.ca/mental-health-support.

3. BC Children’s Hospital Mental Health Crisis Line: The crisis line provides support to children and youth up to the age of 18 who are experiencing a mental health crisis. Contact them by phone at 1-800-665-1822 or online at https://www.bcchildrens.ca/mental-health.

4. Vancouver Island Crisis Line: The crisis line provides 24/7 support to individuals in crisis on Vancouver Island and surrounding areas. You can contact them by phone at 1-888-494-3888 or online at http://www.vicrisis.ca/.

5. Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre: The centre provides information and resources to individuals and families affected by mental health and substance use challenges. Reach out to them by phone at 1-800-665-1822 or online at https://keltymentalhealth.ca/.

It is essential to remember that you are not alone, help is available, suicide is preventable and seeking support can save your life.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, don't hesitate to get in touch with one of the resources listed above or seek help from a mental health professional. Remember, there is hope, and there is help available.

Mastering Self-Discipline: Setting and Respecting Your Own Personal Boundaries

One of the very best things I've learned this year comes from master life coach, podcast host and best-selling author, Nancy Levin. Her insight isn't complicated, it is simply true.

Are you ready to hear it? I am excited to share this with you! Levin tells us that boundaries are between you and you.

Of course, there is more that goes into setting boundaries, and we will get into that in this article. However, by remembering that boundaries are between you and you, who holds the control? That's right, you do. When our boundaries are overstepped we can often feel powerless. This is a good reminder to reinforce, or maybe even re-evaluate, our boundaries.

Boundaries are Crucial

Creating boundaries with yourself is an essential aspect of personal growth and development. It involves setting limits for yourself by defining acceptable behaviour, thoughts, and actions. By creating boundaries, you can protect your mental health, prevent burnout, and improve your relationships with others. This article will explore why creating boundaries with yourself is crucial, how to set them, and some tips to help you maintain them.

Why Creating Boundaries with Yourself is Important

Boundaries are important because they help you establish a sense of control over your life. When you set boundaries, you tell yourself and others what you will and will not tolerate. Defining what you will accept can help you feel more confident and empowered in your relationships, work, and personal life.

Here are some other reasons why creating boundaries with yourself is important:

1. Protect your mental health: By setting boundaries, you can protect your mental health and well-being. You can protect your mental health by saying no to things that drain your energy, setting aside time for self-care, and creating a supportive environment.

2. Prevent burnout: Without boundaries, you may find yourself overcommitted and overwhelmed. This can lead to burnout, which can severely affect your physical and mental health.

3. Improve your relationships: You can communicate your needs and expectations to others with clear boundaries. This can help you build stronger, healthier relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.

How to Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries can be challenging, especially if you are used to putting other people's needs ahead of your own. However, it is an important skill to develop to live a healthy, fulfilling life. Here are some steps you can take to set boundaries:

1. Identify your needs: The first step in setting boundaries is to identify what you need. This includes things like alone time, a supportive work environment, or respect from others.

2. Communicate your needs: Once you have identified your needs, it is important to communicate them to others. This might involve saying no to requests that don't align with your priorities or speaking up when someone mistreats you.

3. Be firm but respectful: When setting boundaries, it is essential to be strong but respectful. This means saying no politely but firmly and standing your ground when someone tries to push your limits.

4. Practice self-care: Setting boundaries can be difficult, so self-care is vital to help you stay strong and resilient. This might include taking breaks when needed, practising mindfulness, or seeking support from friends or a therapist.

Tips for Maintaining Boundaries

Once you have set boundaries, maintaining them is crucial to ensure that they continue to work for you. Here are some tips to help you maintain your boundaries:

1. Be consistent: Consistency is key when it comes to maintaining boundaries. Make sure you stick to your boundaries, even when difficult or uncomfortable.

2. Stay focused on your goals: Remember why you set your boundaries in the first place. This can help you stay motivated and focused on your goals, even when challenging.

3. Stay flexible: While it's important to be consistent, it's also important to be flexible. Sometimes circumstances may require adjusting your boundaries, so be open to making changes as needed.

4. Seek support: Setting and maintaining boundaries can be challenging, so seeking support from others is important. This might include friends, family members, or a therapist who can help you stay on track.

Sources:

1. "The Importance of Setting Boundaries in Your Personal and Professional Life" by Diana Raab, Psychology Today, January 2021.

2. "How to Set Boundaries: 10 Tips for Assertiveness" by Margarita Tartakovsky, Psy.D